A MyMS Team member asked:

Does anyone here go to a counselor for assistance in dealing with MS and life? I am struggling to get through my day and wanted to know if anyone else goes to counseling to assist with MS and life/work balance?

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I answered:

I've seen various therapists over the years, mosty for depression (even before I got my dx in 1988)

- some have been excellent help, allowing me to talk out my worries & giving me clear-headed advice and encouragement
- one got it totally wrong, spending our time listening to me and "topping" me with her personal solutions to her own problems
- a few have tried to talk me into antidepressants (not for me! - psychotropic meds always cause problems for me; some neurologists have tricked me into them, with bad results.)

A strange episode a few years ago changed everything: I started burting into tears for no apparent reason. I went to a therapist, desperate for help. I burst into tears in front of her, she asked me why I was crying, & I said "I don't know!"

My neuro finally found the answer: Psudobulbar affect. I cry when I turn my head in a particular direction, at a particular angle; I cry (instead of laughing) when something strikes me as funny; if I'm tired, I cry at anything slightly sad... This is an MS symptom, not an emotional problem: I'm not in complete control of the expressions of emotions, and give an appearance of reacting in inappropriate ways, EVEN IF THE REACTION HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH MY TRUE FEELINGS!

Realizing this was actually freeing: I no longer need to try to analyze things and figure out what childhood trauma caused my reaction. I'm free to live in the moment, and deal with problems as they come up.

It's frustrating in many ways: If I go to a funny show, I have to hide my face to keep people from seeing my sudden tears (trying not to sob out loud). I used to sing opera, but there are songs I can no longer sing because they make me burst into tears. I've embarrassed myself in public, trying to sing, losing control, and having to stop.

I'm going through a really bad period in my life (lost my job; PC pushing me into applying for disability; SSDI approving me at first try, but not giving me anything in writing) - so I looked for help this summer, and could not find a therapist to connect with.

In the end I've had to depend on myself and my friends to keep me going. I keep going back to my koan from decades ago: I have all eternity to find out what it's like to be dead, and only a few decades to find out what it's like to be alive... so I'll stay alive.