What is this thing called "love"?

I brought up postpartum depression and my anger at my mother with the therapist I've been seeing since my job loss sent my depression back into the aptosis range.  And she said, smiling,
"But you loved your mother anyway, right?" 

And I said, "No."
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NPR just ran a story on postpartum depression... and I wondered.  I was told a long time ago (when? by my brother?  or my father?) that there was a nurse to take care of me after I was born, because my mother had postpartum depression.  

Is this the cause of my own problems?  No bonding.  Attachment troubles.

http://www.helpguide.org/mental/eqa_attachment_bond.htm
points out:

"Insecurity can be a significant problem in our lives, and it takes root when an infant’s attachment bond fails to provide the child with sufficient structure, recognition, understanding, safety, and mutual accord. These insecurities may lead us to...
...Tune out and turn off—If our parent is unavailable and self-absorbed, we may — as children — get lost in our own inner world, avoiding any close, emotional connections. As adults, we may become physically and emotionally distant in relationships."

This is exactly how my life has run!  This is why, although I have great joy with my Friend, and miss him when he's gone, I don't dare say I love him.

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I spent my childhood forgiving my mother, saying "She's doing the best she can." <http://www.livescience.com/17573-baby-mother-bonds-affect-future-adult-relationships-study-finds.html>  When she finally died I rejoiced, thinking "I don't have to forgive her any more - she's gone, and won't know what I'm doing or saying!  I can be as angry as I need to be!"

-- So I can be angry that she ran over and killed my cat while dragging me to that Girl Scout meeting - and tossed the body in the garbage can.

-- I can be angry about the bedroom remake that blew away everything I cared about... sending me into a fugue state that lasted years.

-- I can be angry that she bought herself a cheap wire music stand for her post-retirement recorder lessons, after refusing to buy me a cheap stand when I was a kid taking violin lessons.

-- I can be angry about the time she insisted on my "teaching" her Sunday School class a melody that I didn't know and couldn't read... one of my most embarrassing memories.

But anger isn't healthy.  And the 5th commandment says I'm supposed to honor my mother.  

So... how do I get past this at last?