Monday, July 8, 2013

Pseudobulbar affect

Next we'll hear Vivaldi's _Il Cardellino ("The Little Goldfinch"), with Michala Petri, whose 54th birthday is today, on recorder.

Why is this performance the best I've ever heard? Why does the finch sound more like a finch? Is it Petri?

Why am I crying? PSA makes me cry at things that should make me laugh - is that why I'm crying? Or is it envy because Petri's only 54 and has had a career since she was 5, while I'm 61, my career never got going, and the little bit I had is gone?

Can I control my crying, and focus on the delightful sound?

Must I envy Petri for her talent, and cry at the thought of her success? Can I, instead, rejoice that the world has this beauty to enjoy?

Can I remember that this crying is PBA, not emotion? Can I stop looking for reason in this neurological symptom?

Can remembering that fact get me through to the true emotion I'm losing in this combination of symptoms and rationalization?

Stop rationalizing! You express inappropriate emotions. Your brain is lying. Do not empower the lie - fight for truth.

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